Baby Steps and Beginnings (Wednesday January 31)

[xakara]

Greetings and Salutations;

I shouldn't be up let alone messing around with journaling. I haven't been to sleep yet from yesterday but that seems to be one of my most inspired times to do all the things I shouldn't be.

I made lots of plans for this blog. I was going to document writing my first manuscript. Then I was going to document the process of getting published. Then I was going to whine about writing synopsis because that was really killing me. 

But eventually I realized it didn't matter what I wrote about as long as I wrote. I'm admittedly and unapologetically anti-social. And in ways it perfectly suits me to practice the solitary craft of writing. Of course, where writing may be a solitary craft, publishing isn't

You have agents, editors, booksellers, and if you're lucky, eventually fans. All of these people expect some part of your attention, interaction, and even affections. I'm okay with the attention, and the affections, but the interaction is something I can only take so much of at time. 

I'm a Drifter. You all know one. That friend who has your back and will stomp someone down for you if they had too, but you can easily loose track of them for six months at a time because they're off reading and writing and in general drifting off to be solitary.

I'm in the tenth year of a relationship so there's only so solitary that I can actually be in our tiny one bedroom apartment, but I get as close as possible. What makes it so bad is that I often don't even notice.

But noticed or not, I know this about myself so I started with babysteps. I joined a friend at a writing site in hopes of cultivating a regular writing habit as we built a World In Progress. From there I started daily ICQ conversations with one of the writers/players at the site. I also joined some health sites to work on all of that as well get in the habit of posting a few places regularly.

Eighteen months  worth of plots and rp arcs at the writing site built the habit and led to  being ready to start a manuscript last July. The health sites led to, well, getting healthier and getting use to showing up regularly. And the ICQ convos got me used to checking in and connecting on a regular basis.

Then I had a job change.

A seasonal gig with people I really wanted to shake until their teeth rattled out of their heads led to a great deal of stress. Worse it was right after another great stress just a month into writing my book. But needed the money and did what I had to do. And yes, I also Drifted. I lost site of my health boards, I stopped writing plots and nearly stopped all rp, and although I kept up with the IM conversations, it took a lot to do so.

I was stressed dealing with people I couldn't smack about. I was depressed because progress on the manuscript ground to a near halt with no more than a sentence or paragraph a day for twelve weeks. And in general I was reminded that I really don't like people.

I love individuals. I love deep and strong with some individuals in particular. And I'm inspired and motivated and truly moved by other individuals. Some of which I haven't even met. So I love individuals.

But I hate people. People suck.

Individuals just want to be happy and move through life in as positive a vibe as the world will allow. They do their own thing, let anyone who isn't hurting someone do their own thing in turn, and get on with their lives.

People are about drama and issues and managing everyone elses business because they don't have enough of their own.

Most folks in your life are People. May you be blessed with more Individuals.

Having shaken off the "people", the stress and the depression I finished my manuscript on the 5th.  I did content edits, format edits, more content edit, more format edit. I crafted to styles of query letter. I researched agents and publishers. I submitted a short story in the same world for an anthology and semi-sorta-somewhat did the synopsis for the manuscript with plans to submit on the first. (See, this ramble was circular and had a point)

Having submitted the short story and preparing to submit queries for the ms, it hit me...some of the folks I approach with my work are going to be People and some are going to be Individuals. And if I'm to keep the Indivs even with the stress of the Peops, I'm going to have to get back in the practice of showing up and getting it done.

I never wanted to start a blog I was going to drift away from and leave unfinished. Mostly because I've been irritated deeply reading the path of someones life only to have it abruptly stop and not know what happened to them and where they are.

So, this is my launch to interaction and the building of consistancy. Maybe only four people will ever read it and comment and keep me accountable. But hey, that's a 400% increase in my current accountability online or otherwise. You don't get returns like that on too many things.

My goal is weekly posts here and on a health site I'm returning to. Initially however I'm expecting a honeymoon period of daily to every other day. If by March 1st the honeymoon isn't entirely over I'll know I was more ready than I knew and will up it to twice a week, adding a day every six weeks I consistantly beat the former goal.

Ultimately four days a week, even if its only long enough to say "Boo" is what I want. Because when you do something that touches people as personally as writing, you need to be there for the emotion you create as much as viable. As I'm working on book 2 (literally, book two in the series) and outlining an entirely different book, I know that my viable is variable, but eventually a rhythm happens and you always find yourself more capable than you ever knew.

Here's to learning.

X