xakara: (AWTADH)
[personal profile] xakara
Greetings Kittens!

The dust is thick, but everything still seems in place, imagine that. It's been just under a year since I last blogged, nearly that long since I last wrote. It's been a trial and a tribulation, but I'm here...I'm here.

I'm starting from scratch, getting back into forums and blogs, looking through open submissions, and getting my writing feet wet again. There's a lot I don't remember because of the dyscognition and even more that's changed in just the short time I've been out of the loop. All of that's a good thing. A brand new start is just what's needed. I've spent too much time in the past and the things I can't go back to.

I've always been reluctant to discuss my health concerns here, or anywhere really, primarily because I lacked the language to convey the depth of what I was going through. It was also difficult to see where such a topic fit in what was supposed to be a writing blog. Being too sick to write has put things in perspective. My health is directly related to my creative expression, as are so many things, so all of them belong wherever I speak about my existence.

I have ME/CFIDS (Myalgic Encephalopathy/Chronic Fatigue
Immune Dysfunction Syndrome), fibromyalgia and circadian dysfunction. The symptoms range across insomnia, IBS, vertigo, memory loss, inability to concentrate, chronic headaches, chronic muscle pain, chronic joint pain, and crippling fatigue. I was in remission from November 2005 to 2010, stayed in denial until 2011, and made things worse with a full time job and other stresses that couldn't be avoided in 2012. All of that led to a collapse of everything in 2013 and I've spent much of the last 15 months housebound and the better part of 10 months bedbound.

I'm still symptomatic, but no longer stuck curled up on my side with a ice pack or heating pad. I can walk short distances, stand for a small bit of time, and can even run errands up to twenty or thirty minutes before my back locks up. It doesn't sound like much, but it's everything. The last three weeks have shown significant improvement and I want to follow through with taking back the important things.

As always, I'm ambitious in the task. I found an open call with a July 1st deadline. 35K in 30 days is doable, if over-reaching for just getting back, but hey it's win-win. Either I finish it, editing as I go, and have something submission ready at the end of the month, or I'm 15 to 35K closer to a finished ms than I was when I started. Win-win all the way.

After so long, I know it's likely no one will even see this, but it was important to write it anyway, to get a foot back in the game. I've been on the sidelines too long.

I hope everyone is well. I want to get here three times a week this month and rebuild that habit, but I'm not going to push. I'll do what I can and celebrate how far I get. Seeya soon.

Return Ramble Done, Kittens!

~X

Date: 2014-06-02 07:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sophy.livejournal.com
Sooooo good to see a post by you and to know you are feeling a bit better and are focused on writing again! You are such a great writer and the world is lucky if you have more writing to contribute to it.

Date: 2014-06-03 02:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xakara.livejournal.com
Thank you so much sweetie! On every level I appreciate it. It's been a long road with a lot of hills and it means everything to hear from someone I know personally understands.

(((Hugs)))

~X

Date: 2014-06-03 03:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ebeth-naylor.livejournal.com
Good to hear that you're feeling better. Don't get too excited and overdo it. Hoping to see a story from you sometime this year - no pressure though.

Date: 2014-06-03 04:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] xakara.livejournal.com
I will certainly pay attention and inch my way along, rather than leap. I'm upright after so long, I don't want to do anything that knocks me back flat.

No pressure taken. I'll be writing as much as I can, and be grateful for whatever pages I make.

Thanks for the encouragement!

~X

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