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xakaraMorning Lovelies,
Let's start with the fact that I'm absolutely fine. That way when you're reading later you already know that you don't have to worry. Now, moving on...
As I got ready for work last night, I wondered why my ramble came up and took the direction it did. True enough, I needed to change my mindset before going in so that the night didn't end up feeling like it took forever. But that didn't speak to the specifics of mentioning my temper and reminding myself that I like my customers on the whole.
Let's start with the fact that I'm absolutely fine. That way when you're reading later you already know that you don't have to worry. Now, moving on...
As I got ready for work last night, I wondered why my ramble came up and took the direction it did. True enough, I needed to change my mindset before going in so that the night didn't end up feeling like it took forever. But that didn't speak to the specifics of mentioning my temper and reminding myself that I like my customers on the whole.
Curious about what message I was supposed to be getting, I tried to pay a great deal of attention all night. The first thing I did on getting in was make sure the back door was checked before I was left alone. While he did that I checked the front and got it squared in my head that I wasn't going to go out into the store while any of my male customers where there even if I knew them. I figured that perhaps I'd grown too comfortable with someone and run out for something quick one too many times and it was posing a danger.
Now for those who haven't read my job description in other posts, I work at a 24 hr convenience store, alone, overnight. When I need to clean, stock, brew coffee, check the freezers, etc, I have to lock the door from inside the cage--the secured area with me, the safe, and the bullet proof glass--double check the security cameras that the store is empty, and then do whatever I need too until I hear someone pull at the door. When that happens, I go where they can see me, signal that I know they're out there, and then walk back into the cage, press the lock on the cage door and as it swings shut, hit the button to unlock the front door. While they are in the store, I stock and clean in the cage, (we sell tobacco products so there's always some brand to stock, and it's all guys save me, so there's always something to clean), check them out when they're done, and then lock the door again so I can finish whatever I was doing.
Now of course, there are people I see like clockwork, literally rain or shine. Those who fit the criteria of A) looking sane, and B) looking like I could take them with the right motivation, eventuall get some leeway. If I have coffee on and I see it finish I want to get the carafe closed as soon as possible so that it doesn't cool off. If one of my regular-sane-lightweights are in the store, I'll run out while they're in a different aisle and get that stuff together really quick, then dash back into the cage. I'm always armed with scissors or a box cutter in case sane is only an act, but for the most part I trust those folks and try to do so only with women and some of the older gentlemen just to be sure.
Now I thought the message and tickle in my brain was about the possibility of dashing out and having an unknown element come through the door since I don't lock us in when I do that. So I just wasn't going to go out at all whether I knew the person or not. That decided, I was feeling fine about the night, if a bit cautious. Turns out the caution was good, but the reasoning wasn't on course.
A suspicious guy came in on the heels of another customer. While I was checking out the person he followed customer, he unlocked the backdoor without me seeing. Easy to do as I can't work the register and check the security camera at the same time. It's a static picture and I have to push separate buttons if I want different cameras to come up. It wasn't on the camera covering the back at the time I went to ring the first customer because mr. suspicious--who shall hereafter be known as Asshole--wasn't in that aisle and he's who I was watching. On top of no access to the camera controls from the register, the lock on the backdoor isn't visible with the blinds down, and most of door itself is obscured when standing directly at the register, so all Asshole needed was the right patience and timing.
Now until tonight I was under the impression that there was a chime on the back door so you knew when someone opened it. So when I finished with the customer and checked the security cameras to see where Asshole was I freaked a little because he was gone. I didn't think I'd been so distracted that I didn't notice him go out the front door. But I did a double check on all the cameras, made sure I had the bathrooms keys, grabbed my scissors and checked that he hadn't ducked into the kitchen, and then declared the all clear while never checking the backdoor. It just never occured to me he opened it because I didn't hear anything.
Interlude: There were two whispers from the Universe on the back door.
Whisper one: Two days ago, another customer seemed to come out of nowhere just before I was about to leave. I look to the back door and decide that I didn't hear the chime because I'd ducked into the kitchen for coffee filters. Right then I had the thought that I needed to check the door before my shift or have it checked, rather than assume that 2nd shift did it just in case it had never been locked and that nice guy was the Universe whispering to me about it. See, I knew it then.
Whisper two: After the guy disappeared but the store got the all-clear I went to make coffee and a scene from Pitch Black comes to mind. The survivors are making a run for a ship and have to watch out for the ravenous-alien-bad guys. Riddick is the only one who can see in the dark and Johns asks him to check for the monsters.
Riddick: "Looks clear."
Johns gets up, moves forward and ravenous-alien-monster swoops over and has to be shot while everyone ducks for cover.
Johns turns to Riddick. "I thought you said it was clear!"
Riddick: "I said it looks clear."
Johns: "Well how does it look now?"
Riddick, shrugging: "Looks clear."
I should have caught it then. Everything looked clear, but I hadn't exhausted every possibility which means it wasn't clear.
Interlude over.
I go to make coffee and finish up some other tasks and get interrupted immediately again. I look up and here comes Asshole through the front door again. Asshole waits until the folks ahead of him are done and then comes up to the register with stuff. Asshole's whispering like he's lost his voice and he wants me to come out and help him find something. Like bloody hell! I give Asshole the spiel that I can't, our insurance doesn't cover me being in the store with customers on the third shift. Well Asshole suddenly finds his voice. Big ass alarm bell right there, but I couldn't kick Asshole out of the store without witnesses because I know the whole time he's moving through the aisles, he's snatching shit and storing it by the back door. I need another person present so I can tell him to leave and he has to walk by me out the front.
Well, Asshole keeps bringing things up to the front so it looks like all his trips through the aisles are legitimate. When he gets all the stuff he can fit into the plastic bag he snuck in, and what he thinks he can stuff under his arm, Asshole asks to leave the stuff for five minutes to go get more money. I tell him I'll have to put it back because it's refridgerated and he becomes insistant. Of course, I know he wants me to leave it because he doesn't want me to walk to the back and find the stuff he's stashing the whole time. I change the topic to what he's got stuffed in his jacket and in his pockets when I see someone else coming. Asshole quickly starts talking about his kids and doing for his kids and the stuff he's got being his and whatever else he was babbling about while I waited for the person to come in. Asshole leaves the moment the new guy gets in and I walk out to check the damage.
There a whole row of pizzas from the freezer, entire boxes of candy, a box of liquid caffeine bottles, just a whole mess. I get the customer rung out, lock the front door, check that it's locked and "give the all clear". I go out and put the pizzas away first as was logical. I come back for the bag-o-shit and Asshole is standing there with it in his hands! Yes, Virgina, there really is no working chime on the backdoor, and now I knew it.
Well I was startled of course, but only partially. The store is haunted and I get activity all night, so another sudden presence wasn't entirely strange. That meant that startled gave way to pissed right quick. I know the proceedure. I should have backed off and immediately went into the cage and called my manager. I'm a person, it was just stuff.
So what did I do? *Nod*, yes, I snatched the bag from Asshole. The handle broke and it hit the floor and he bent down to grab, babbling about how could I take his stuff. Now I still had presence of mind to do the classic verbal outmanuevering of whatever bullshit sob-story he was about to spout. I went right into "all of this'll come out of my check if you take it". What this comment does is effective stop any other sob-story in its tracks because now the person is taking money out of your pocket and that's personal. Being personal and being about money also hints at the fact you might have justifiable violence on your mind which gives them pause.
Asshole starts apologizing and says he'll help me put it back. THAT pissed me off further. I am not a fucking toddler that's going to nod and trust you now because you said you were sorry. I tell him to get out and he turns with something still inside his jacket which I again should have let go. So what did I do? *Nod* I snatched it out of his jacket. Yep.
At this point Asshole brought his arm up and for a moment I thought he was about to lay hands on me. I knew in that instant Asshole was about to lose an eye if he touched me. I had no qualms about it and was perfectly at peace with the idea we were about to throw down and Asshole wasn't coming out of it whole if at all. Apparently Asshole caught the shift in attitude. He quickly turned to leave and told me to lock the door so I knew he wouldn't come back and that he really meant that he was sorry. I almost hit him on principal but we still have to move and I can't get fired over Asshole.
I put the stuff back, called my manager, in that order so I'd be calm when I talked to him, and he wasn't home. I did a few more mundane things and then called his cell phone to have him come in and tell me if he could see all of what was missing from the guys first trip through. As well, so he could check the security tape and see if there was a good shot of the Asshole's face.
Bad news, this isn't the first time for this mess, it's a pattern of Asshole's and he's done it on second shift before numerous times, having never been confronted before like tonight. Good news, the confrontation helped and if I end up scappin' with Asshole or some Asshole 2.0 variant, I've been reassured that I won't get fired. Better news, there will be a new alarm installed this afternoon on the back door so Asshole and his Asshole cohorts won't be able to pull this shit again.
Sidenote, I don't swear in normal conversation and it's always rather jarring to my Sweetie and my friends when they hear me swear. The primary reason I don't swear is because when you use it in every day conversation you don't have anything left for times when it really matters. Take tonight for instance. I got some great use out of profanity and every word held the emphasis and impact it was supposed to. It was great. :)
Now, if you feel I'm rather upbeat and zen-ish about this incident, I will point out two things. First, it happened about 8 hrs ago, I didn't hit my zen-groove again until about two hours afterwards once the adrenaline was out of my system and I had reorganizing to get lost in, (yes, I stayed for the rest of my shift). So I've had six plus hours to get to this point.
Second, Asshole wasn't likely the reason the Universe was whispering. Granted, if I'd caught on, I would have checked the backdoor and the confrontation wouldn't have happened, but he was still just another whisper. It was a very mild encounter save for my own hostility. It's purpose was to save me from some possible violent encounter by making me fully aware of the security breaches and point out that I was putting too much trust in my co-workers rather than walking a security round myself and checking the back door the way I do the front. Now, whatever scenario could have gone down won't come to pass because its window (or door in this case) of opportunity has been closed. I'm grateful for that.
There were some other things it brought to light to which has shifted my focus for this week and the rest of the year in a very good way. :)
That's about all the ramble I have in me after the length of this night. I'm tempted to disallow comments so I don't get a chorus of "what were you thinking?". But that wouldn't be fair. I could have kept quiet, I didn't, so I owe whoever is moved to do so, a chance to say their piece. I shared less out of the need to get it off my chest, (I did that with my manager and the co-worker that came in with him, not to mention in a email to a close friend right when I got home), and more to help anyone else getting whispers right now about something in their life they need to pay more attention to. Hopefully this will make everyone more aware of what your instincts and the world around you are trying to tell you.
Pardon my typos and spelling issues as I don't have the strength to proof this. I'm just lucky to still be lucid. *grin*
Whispers Ramble Done
~X
Now for those who haven't read my job description in other posts, I work at a 24 hr convenience store, alone, overnight. When I need to clean, stock, brew coffee, check the freezers, etc, I have to lock the door from inside the cage--the secured area with me, the safe, and the bullet proof glass--double check the security cameras that the store is empty, and then do whatever I need too until I hear someone pull at the door. When that happens, I go where they can see me, signal that I know they're out there, and then walk back into the cage, press the lock on the cage door and as it swings shut, hit the button to unlock the front door. While they are in the store, I stock and clean in the cage, (we sell tobacco products so there's always some brand to stock, and it's all guys save me, so there's always something to clean), check them out when they're done, and then lock the door again so I can finish whatever I was doing.
Now of course, there are people I see like clockwork, literally rain or shine. Those who fit the criteria of A) looking sane, and B) looking like I could take them with the right motivation, eventuall get some leeway. If I have coffee on and I see it finish I want to get the carafe closed as soon as possible so that it doesn't cool off. If one of my regular-sane-lightweights are in the store, I'll run out while they're in a different aisle and get that stuff together really quick, then dash back into the cage. I'm always armed with scissors or a box cutter in case sane is only an act, but for the most part I trust those folks and try to do so only with women and some of the older gentlemen just to be sure.
Now I thought the message and tickle in my brain was about the possibility of dashing out and having an unknown element come through the door since I don't lock us in when I do that. So I just wasn't going to go out at all whether I knew the person or not. That decided, I was feeling fine about the night, if a bit cautious. Turns out the caution was good, but the reasoning wasn't on course.
A suspicious guy came in on the heels of another customer. While I was checking out the person he followed customer, he unlocked the backdoor without me seeing. Easy to do as I can't work the register and check the security camera at the same time. It's a static picture and I have to push separate buttons if I want different cameras to come up. It wasn't on the camera covering the back at the time I went to ring the first customer because mr. suspicious--who shall hereafter be known as Asshole--wasn't in that aisle and he's who I was watching. On top of no access to the camera controls from the register, the lock on the backdoor isn't visible with the blinds down, and most of door itself is obscured when standing directly at the register, so all Asshole needed was the right patience and timing.
Now until tonight I was under the impression that there was a chime on the back door so you knew when someone opened it. So when I finished with the customer and checked the security cameras to see where Asshole was I freaked a little because he was gone. I didn't think I'd been so distracted that I didn't notice him go out the front door. But I did a double check on all the cameras, made sure I had the bathrooms keys, grabbed my scissors and checked that he hadn't ducked into the kitchen, and then declared the all clear while never checking the backdoor. It just never occured to me he opened it because I didn't hear anything.
Interlude: There were two whispers from the Universe on the back door.
Whisper one: Two days ago, another customer seemed to come out of nowhere just before I was about to leave. I look to the back door and decide that I didn't hear the chime because I'd ducked into the kitchen for coffee filters. Right then I had the thought that I needed to check the door before my shift or have it checked, rather than assume that 2nd shift did it just in case it had never been locked and that nice guy was the Universe whispering to me about it. See, I knew it then.
Whisper two: After the guy disappeared but the store got the all-clear I went to make coffee and a scene from Pitch Black comes to mind. The survivors are making a run for a ship and have to watch out for the ravenous-alien-bad guys. Riddick is the only one who can see in the dark and Johns asks him to check for the monsters.
Riddick: "Looks clear."
Johns gets up, moves forward and ravenous-alien-monster swoops over and has to be shot while everyone ducks for cover.
Johns turns to Riddick. "I thought you said it was clear!"
Riddick: "I said it looks clear."
Johns: "Well how does it look now?"
Riddick, shrugging: "Looks clear."
I should have caught it then. Everything looked clear, but I hadn't exhausted every possibility which means it wasn't clear.
Interlude over.
I go to make coffee and finish up some other tasks and get interrupted immediately again. I look up and here comes Asshole through the front door again. Asshole waits until the folks ahead of him are done and then comes up to the register with stuff. Asshole's whispering like he's lost his voice and he wants me to come out and help him find something. Like bloody hell! I give Asshole the spiel that I can't, our insurance doesn't cover me being in the store with customers on the third shift. Well Asshole suddenly finds his voice. Big ass alarm bell right there, but I couldn't kick Asshole out of the store without witnesses because I know the whole time he's moving through the aisles, he's snatching shit and storing it by the back door. I need another person present so I can tell him to leave and he has to walk by me out the front.
Well, Asshole keeps bringing things up to the front so it looks like all his trips through the aisles are legitimate. When he gets all the stuff he can fit into the plastic bag he snuck in, and what he thinks he can stuff under his arm, Asshole asks to leave the stuff for five minutes to go get more money. I tell him I'll have to put it back because it's refridgerated and he becomes insistant. Of course, I know he wants me to leave it because he doesn't want me to walk to the back and find the stuff he's stashing the whole time. I change the topic to what he's got stuffed in his jacket and in his pockets when I see someone else coming. Asshole quickly starts talking about his kids and doing for his kids and the stuff he's got being his and whatever else he was babbling about while I waited for the person to come in. Asshole leaves the moment the new guy gets in and I walk out to check the damage.
There a whole row of pizzas from the freezer, entire boxes of candy, a box of liquid caffeine bottles, just a whole mess. I get the customer rung out, lock the front door, check that it's locked and "give the all clear". I go out and put the pizzas away first as was logical. I come back for the bag-o-shit and Asshole is standing there with it in his hands! Yes, Virgina, there really is no working chime on the backdoor, and now I knew it.
Well I was startled of course, but only partially. The store is haunted and I get activity all night, so another sudden presence wasn't entirely strange. That meant that startled gave way to pissed right quick. I know the proceedure. I should have backed off and immediately went into the cage and called my manager. I'm a person, it was just stuff.
So what did I do? *Nod*, yes, I snatched the bag from Asshole. The handle broke and it hit the floor and he bent down to grab, babbling about how could I take his stuff. Now I still had presence of mind to do the classic verbal outmanuevering of whatever bullshit sob-story he was about to spout. I went right into "all of this'll come out of my check if you take it". What this comment does is effective stop any other sob-story in its tracks because now the person is taking money out of your pocket and that's personal. Being personal and being about money also hints at the fact you might have justifiable violence on your mind which gives them pause.
Asshole starts apologizing and says he'll help me put it back. THAT pissed me off further. I am not a fucking toddler that's going to nod and trust you now because you said you were sorry. I tell him to get out and he turns with something still inside his jacket which I again should have let go. So what did I do? *Nod* I snatched it out of his jacket. Yep.
At this point Asshole brought his arm up and for a moment I thought he was about to lay hands on me. I knew in that instant Asshole was about to lose an eye if he touched me. I had no qualms about it and was perfectly at peace with the idea we were about to throw down and Asshole wasn't coming out of it whole if at all. Apparently Asshole caught the shift in attitude. He quickly turned to leave and told me to lock the door so I knew he wouldn't come back and that he really meant that he was sorry. I almost hit him on principal but we still have to move and I can't get fired over Asshole.
I put the stuff back, called my manager, in that order so I'd be calm when I talked to him, and he wasn't home. I did a few more mundane things and then called his cell phone to have him come in and tell me if he could see all of what was missing from the guys first trip through. As well, so he could check the security tape and see if there was a good shot of the Asshole's face.
Bad news, this isn't the first time for this mess, it's a pattern of Asshole's and he's done it on second shift before numerous times, having never been confronted before like tonight. Good news, the confrontation helped and if I end up scappin' with Asshole or some Asshole 2.0 variant, I've been reassured that I won't get fired. Better news, there will be a new alarm installed this afternoon on the back door so Asshole and his Asshole cohorts won't be able to pull this shit again.
Sidenote, I don't swear in normal conversation and it's always rather jarring to my Sweetie and my friends when they hear me swear. The primary reason I don't swear is because when you use it in every day conversation you don't have anything left for times when it really matters. Take tonight for instance. I got some great use out of profanity and every word held the emphasis and impact it was supposed to. It was great. :)
Now, if you feel I'm rather upbeat and zen-ish about this incident, I will point out two things. First, it happened about 8 hrs ago, I didn't hit my zen-groove again until about two hours afterwards once the adrenaline was out of my system and I had reorganizing to get lost in, (yes, I stayed for the rest of my shift). So I've had six plus hours to get to this point.
Second, Asshole wasn't likely the reason the Universe was whispering. Granted, if I'd caught on, I would have checked the backdoor and the confrontation wouldn't have happened, but he was still just another whisper. It was a very mild encounter save for my own hostility. It's purpose was to save me from some possible violent encounter by making me fully aware of the security breaches and point out that I was putting too much trust in my co-workers rather than walking a security round myself and checking the back door the way I do the front. Now, whatever scenario could have gone down won't come to pass because its window (or door in this case) of opportunity has been closed. I'm grateful for that.
There were some other things it brought to light to which has shifted my focus for this week and the rest of the year in a very good way. :)
That's about all the ramble I have in me after the length of this night. I'm tempted to disallow comments so I don't get a chorus of "what were you thinking?". But that wouldn't be fair. I could have kept quiet, I didn't, so I owe whoever is moved to do so, a chance to say their piece. I shared less out of the need to get it off my chest, (I did that with my manager and the co-worker that came in with him, not to mention in a email to a close friend right when I got home), and more to help anyone else getting whispers right now about something in their life they need to pay more attention to. Hopefully this will make everyone more aware of what your instincts and the world around you are trying to tell you.
Pardon my typos and spelling issues as I don't have the strength to proof this. I'm just lucky to still be lucid. *grin*
Whispers Ramble Done
~X
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no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 04:37 pm (UTC)It happened as something like this was bound to sooner or later. I've considered that since you got that job and every night when I go to bed you're on my mind because...yeah.
Just do what you do and stay safe. It was a good learning experience, as you've said. Learning is good, always.
Just..Gods. Stay safe.
Jeez. Talk about rambling. I gotta shut up now or I never will.
(Talk to you tonight...)
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:16 pm (UTC)I stay as safe as I can and now I'm even safer. Gotta be grateful for that. Now if I could only sleep. I'm still up from yesterday.
~X
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 05:30 pm (UTC)I am sorry you had to deal with Asshole though. Fight or flight is not a comfortable place to be stuck.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:22 pm (UTC)::return squeezes::
~X
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 09:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:28 pm (UTC)If I'd felt frightened rather than pissed, I would have withdrawn. But all I could think about was the anger and the fact that I just knew he didn't walk up in there and try to do me like that. I was outdone.
But I'll always pick my battles carefully and avoid them outright when possible. I'm never going to risk myself over stuff, especially stuff that's not even mine.
Hugs,
~X
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:05 pm (UTC)Yeah, I agree that the universe used this moron to give you a warning of a security issue that left you unprotected. Things could have been worse and I'm very glad you are safe.
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:34 pm (UTC)~X
no subject
Date: 2007-10-23 11:53 pm (UTC)*hugs*
glad you're OK.
stay safe and take care,
Chris
no subject
Date: 2007-10-24 12:32 am (UTC)I've very grateful to have come out of it pissed, more aware, and focused toward the positive, rather than the alternatives.
I'll stay safe.
(((Hugs)))
~X