It's All About Averages
May. 2nd, 2007 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
xakaraIt's been more than a week I know, but I'll still have averaged an entry a week since I started and that's all that matters right now. Not so much because I want an excuse but because averages have been ruling my life lately.
I've been sick the last two weeks, not sleeping the last three, and hormonal has just thrown itself in the mix over the last few days. With all of this on my shoulders I haven't been as productive as I wanted, and yet I've averaged more in the last month than in the two before it combined.
We had an unexpected loss of income in my household and my summer plans are suspended as are several things we were going to do. It's rough and looks bleak from the outside. Yet, on average, we have enough money aside to get us through August without any change in status of income. (Fortunately our income status will change on all sides come July so no long term worries there)
Finances, writing, interactions, general productivity, all of it has come down to averages that somehow let us make it by. I'm grateful for making it. And when I'm back to getting my Zen on, I'll be downright peaceful on how everything works out when you let it. But right this second...well right this second I want something more than average. I'd like a little extraordinary.
I'd like to be extraordinarily productive, extraordinarily ahead financially, extraordinarily creative (although on this one I may be asking for trouble since there's a fine line betweeen being creative and being institutionally committed and I already tread too close).
I want more. I want what could be, and what should be, and what will be eventually, only I need eventually to step up and become now.
I want a lot.
At the same time, I don't want that much at all.
And when you average it out, I guess I want just enough to keep working for it.
Yeah...it's all about the averages.
Ramble done.
~X
I've been sick the last two weeks, not sleeping the last three, and hormonal has just thrown itself in the mix over the last few days. With all of this on my shoulders I haven't been as productive as I wanted, and yet I've averaged more in the last month than in the two before it combined.
We had an unexpected loss of income in my household and my summer plans are suspended as are several things we were going to do. It's rough and looks bleak from the outside. Yet, on average, we have enough money aside to get us through August without any change in status of income. (Fortunately our income status will change on all sides come July so no long term worries there)
Finances, writing, interactions, general productivity, all of it has come down to averages that somehow let us make it by. I'm grateful for making it. And when I'm back to getting my Zen on, I'll be downright peaceful on how everything works out when you let it. But right this second...well right this second I want something more than average. I'd like a little extraordinary.
I'd like to be extraordinarily productive, extraordinarily ahead financially, extraordinarily creative (although on this one I may be asking for trouble since there's a fine line betweeen being creative and being institutionally committed and I already tread too close).
I want more. I want what could be, and what should be, and what will be eventually, only I need eventually to step up and become now.
I want a lot.
At the same time, I don't want that much at all.
And when you average it out, I guess I want just enough to keep working for it.
Yeah...it's all about the averages.
Ramble done.
~X
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 08:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-03 02:07 am (UTC)As I'm living vicariously through you, I'm feeling better already. :)