I Write So They Don't Put Me On Medication...

[xakara]

Writing isn't an excuse for being crazy, but's a very valid explanation for crazy behavior. I don't think I'm eccentric,(but do the eccentric every really think they are?), but I know I'm not mainstream normal. I'm not even subculture normal or fringe normal because I deviate from the common line in each subculture or fringe group my interests overlap with. Everywhere I fit, I don't quite fit, and everyone that doesn't fit along with me, all don't fit in different ways. 

I'm "artistic" because what artistic means is, "strange and mildly distrubing but in an entertaining way that makes you acceptable". If you have an artistic outlet for your strangeness than you cease to frighten people, (sometimes), and they let you run around loose and unmedicated. Being able to channel it means you can deal with it and be a danger to no one but yourself which is all anyone cares about.

I get to: 
Talk to myself. 
Pace in tight circles while softly murmuring. 
Space out in the middle of conversations. 
Stop to take notes in the middle of a pap smear because something the doctor said sparked an idea. 
Touch people I don't know well, to get the texture of their hands or hair and such. 
Call and ask the most mundane companies the most bizzare questions.
Talk to myself.
Answer myself.
Talk about people who don't exist as if they were going to walk in the door any second. 
Talk about myself in the plural.
Spontaneously start telling someone a great story idea to go with the shape in the taco dip.
Spout out gruesome factoids seared into my brain by the History Channel I might use one day.
And talk to myself. 

Other people who do these things without an artistic outlet end up diagnosed with a multitude of sins that often end in the word, disorder. And disorders come with medication and medication usually alters personality in some fundamental way. If you really are disturbed, that alteration is a great thing and helps you get back to yourself. But if your sane with just a little crazy thrown in, those alterations can dim a light meant to shine for all to see. 

So yeah, I write because I have to. I write because even if I didn't put it on paper I'd still have the stories in my head. I write because it's what I'm meant to do. But when you get down to it...I write so they don't put me on medication. Cuz goodness knows without writing I'd need it. 

Crazy Writer Ramble Done

~X

 

Comments

[dracschick.livejournal.com]

Writing is my crack:)

*hugs*
Chris

[xakara.livejournal.com]

Writing is cracktastic, no doubt about it. :)

Hugs,
~X

[moon-chylde.livejournal.com]

I can relate to so many of those points in my own way. The talking to myself thing in particular. I've had that habit forever. Do it at home, do it at work which is always interesting when I'm in the middle of a self convo and someone walks into my office.

Talking about myself in plural is a new habit, me and Erin, like we're buds. Which is a HUGE change from the days of me and Elizabeth. Being buds with your other self is much, much nicer than hating your other self. Eeww, that old feeling. I got to get away from that right now.

As for you being eccentric, I don't think so. You're just you. Which OK, the pap smear thing is a bit out there,but when it comes to you that's not really surprising.

So maybe that just means I've been hanging with you long enough that nothing really surprises me. Yeah, I think that's just me....being like the catcher in the ballpark of wild pitches and you're the pitcher...so I'm ready for anything and everything.

[xakara.livejournal.com]

I'm strange enough that I never cease to amaze; but consistant enough that I can cease to surprise in whatever amazingly strange thing I do next. (http://photobucket.com)

Now that I'm home I must go (http://photobucket.com) before I'm tempted to (http://photobucket.com) and end up (http://photobucket.com)

Laters, (http://photobucket.com)

~X

[moondancerdrake.livejournal.com]

Donno, that all seems perfectly normal to me. *wink*